Journaling

One of my goals this year is to write in my journal weekly. 

Sad that I had to set it as a goal to actually accomplish it.  Really sad because I've had to set it as a goal before (in 2011), since my journaling had become quite infrequent.  But I feel it is important, so I set it as a goal again.  Because it had become quite infrequent again.  And so far, so good.

Once upon a time, I was great at journaling.  Those were the days of my teenage years.  From some time in my 8th grade year through my sophomore year (and possibly into my junior year), I wrote almost daily in my journal.  Makes for some awesome (and highly entertaining) reading, let me just say that!  But those were the days where life's biggest tragedy consisted of not receiving a candy-gram from the boy-crush-of-the-week. 

Seriously, there is one entry from 7th grade in which I describe this time when I passed the then-current crush in the hallway at school between classes and he said hi to me; and I hi to him...  And, in the journal, I described it as "a moment worth saving." 

Gag. Me. Now.

What can I say?  I was a teenage girl.  Who thought she knew what love was. 

Over the years, as I matured, my journal-writing became less frequent, but more deep.  Sometimes the pages were filled with pain -- real pain.  Fears of never being able to have a baby.  Fears of being alone.  Frustrations at circumstances I couldn't understand (or control).  Feelings of ugliness and worthlessness.  Sometimes the pages exuded happiness, joy, and an almost-return to the giddy teenage school-girl of yesteryear.  Like when my sweetie and I first started dating.  And sometimes, the pages have been filled with spiritual things.  Miracles.  Tender mercies.  Promises fulfilled. 

Within these journals are the stories of a life.  The growth of a soul. 

And though I sometimes cringe at the thought of my posterity one day delving into these hand-written pages (I've lived a human life with plenty of unwise choices and flawed views), I know they will be a way I come to life for those who will never meet me in this life.  And I hope they will glean something of value from the life I've documented. 

I'm grateful for journaling and the ability to journal.  Including in the intangible world of blogging.  And though typing is much faster...  There's just something about putting pen to paper and pouring out thoughts in my own hand-writing.  Something to preserve.  And so I do.  For myself...  And for those who will follow.  Even if it is a tad embarrassing.

What are you grateful for today?