One year ago, my mom called me and asked if there was a baby yet. I said there wasn't, but that the doctor predicted he'd see me in the delivery room before the following Tuesday, the date the non-stress test was scheduled. She told me to enjoy my last little bit of freedom.
That last little bit of freedom was just over 12 hours. And I can't say I enjoyed it. Because the next 12 hours consisted of massive cramps (okay, so they were contractions) that came every two minutes apart, puking all over myself and the van on the way to the hospital, being a pin-cushion for the nurse who couldn't get the IV in, puking throughout the night (though there was nothing left in there!), an epidural gone awry (that turned into a spinal through an epidural needle with 8x the dosage for a spinal going into my spinal cord), and an hour of pushing harder than I've ever pushed in my life (which is exhausting).
But then the most beautiful moment happened. I felt my baby placed on my stomach. I touched her and felt a tear slide down my face as I said, "There you are!" And, shortly thereafter, I learned for sure that she was a girl, as we'd suspected all along.
And ever since, I have had the most amazing 365 days of my life. I have experienced a love deeper than I can possibly explain. I have felt a protectiveness that just was there all of a sudden. I have known lack of sleep like never before, but I have also known it was worth it more than anything else in the world. I have cried. I have laughed. I have learned. I have ached. I have gained patience. I have realized what really matters. I have accepted that sometimes I just need to let go. I have known feelings of depression. But I have known so many more feelings of extreme joy.
And it's true: maybe in some ways, my freedom is gone. But in so many ways, I feel like I have more purpose than I ever have in my life.
365 days of watching my daughter grow. And learn. Learn to smile. To laugh. To sit. To play. To eat "real" food. To crawl. To walk. To dance. To trust. To obey. To love. To hug. To kiss. To sleep. To babble. To splash.
365 days of love. Of hope. Of joy. Of deep gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the blessing of my precious, beautiful little girl. She is my joy. And I cannot imagine what life would be like without her, now that she's here. It has been the hardest "job" I've ever done. But also the most rewarding. And the best. The absolute best. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
These have been the most poignant 365 days of my life so far. And for that, I am grateful.
What are you grateful for today?
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