This is pretty random. And I sometimes think I'm a crazy person. But for some reason, I was lying in bed late last night and the soul-crushing thought came to my mind: what if our little girl wasn't healthy? What if she had an incurable, terminal disease?
Am I the only crazy person who does this? Probably.
But as I thought about that, it's because I know it's a reality for some. A very hard and sad reality. And in that moment, I was incredibly -- and almost beyond words -- grateful that my precious girl is healthy and happy. She learns and grows and runs and plays and laughs. She sometimes drives me to the brink of losing my sanity. But then, I think she's supposed to ;).
I do not know what the future holds. While I hope never to face a trial such as a terminal illness in my child, I know that it is possible. It scares the jeepers out of me, honestly. And so I push those fears aside, and embrace the now. And feel grateful every moment for a healthy little girl who is so full of life. A little girl who brings me infinitely more joy than I knew possible.
What are you grateful for today?
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Sunday, January 11, 2015
9:00 Church
Yes, I know I may receive some hate-mail from other members of my congregation for the fact that I am grateful for 9:00 church ;)... But I'm okay with that. Because I still get 9:00 church for another 50 weeks!
So, our church building has two congregations meeting in it every Sunday. One attends at 9:00 in the morning and the other at 1:00 in the afternoon. Typically, our congregations change back and forth each year and swap times -- just to keep things fair. But, due to circumstances that just were, our congregation has spent the last 3 years attending at 1:00. This year we got to change! True, the reason for the change means we had to say good-bye to an awesome family, and that is a sad part. But the part of us having church at 9 has been, for me, a much anticipated event!
I just love having morning church; then having the rest of the day to come home, relax, and -- most importantly, get my toddler her afternoon nap! I don't know why it is, honestly, that I am so in favor of having morning church. I just know that I am :). Probably because I'm a creature of habit, and pretty much my whole life until I moved here in 2008, I attended church with start times between 9 and 9:30. It's just what is normal for me.
And sure, I love my sleep as much as many (and possibly more than most). I especially love morning sleep, and being in my pajamas for a long time before I get moving. But something about morning church just resounds with me -- and I think I'll always prefer it, even if it means no sleeping-in (which hasn't been happening with a toddler lately anyhow ;)) and no pancakes in the morning (who has time when you sleep!?!).
So, I apologize to my friends who may not share my enthusiasm that, for the next 50 weeks, our ward will be up early attending church. But I'm still grateful ;).
What are you grateful for today?
So, our church building has two congregations meeting in it every Sunday. One attends at 9:00 in the morning and the other at 1:00 in the afternoon. Typically, our congregations change back and forth each year and swap times -- just to keep things fair. But, due to circumstances that just were, our congregation has spent the last 3 years attending at 1:00. This year we got to change! True, the reason for the change means we had to say good-bye to an awesome family, and that is a sad part. But the part of us having church at 9 has been, for me, a much anticipated event!
I just love having morning church; then having the rest of the day to come home, relax, and -- most importantly, get my toddler her afternoon nap! I don't know why it is, honestly, that I am so in favor of having morning church. I just know that I am :). Probably because I'm a creature of habit, and pretty much my whole life until I moved here in 2008, I attended church with start times between 9 and 9:30. It's just what is normal for me.
And sure, I love my sleep as much as many (and possibly more than most). I especially love morning sleep, and being in my pajamas for a long time before I get moving. But something about morning church just resounds with me -- and I think I'll always prefer it, even if it means no sleeping-in (which hasn't been happening with a toddler lately anyhow ;)) and no pancakes in the morning (who has time when you sleep!?!).
So, I apologize to my friends who may not share my enthusiasm that, for the next 50 weeks, our ward will be up early attending church. But I'm still grateful ;).
What are you grateful for today?
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Baby Taps
I can't believe it's been 2 months since I last expressed gratitude here. My life has certainly been filled with gratitude-worthy moments and things and people. I've just been busy! But I do need to make sure I'm taking the time to count my blessings, and so today, I choose to write here again.
I write this with hesitation, because I know many wonderful women who long to feel what I am about to describe. Women who have never had the opportunity to carry a child. And women who have lost babies at various times during pregnancy. And so, my comments are not meant to be cold or callous as I relish the feeling of life growing within me.
I truly am grateful for being able to feel our unborn baby inside. For I am a worrier by nature. And feeling the little tiny bumps -- which require that I lay still and focus with my hands on my abdomen at this point -- reassure the worry-wart in me. From the days I first start feeling these taps within, I start seeking them every day. I did the same when I was pregnant with our little girl.
And they never get old. They always make me smile. And I sometimes even laugh as I will sometimes feel the baby respond to my putting pressure on a specific spot (the baby usually taps there, then I press again, and the baby taps again).
I remember the first time I realized I was feeling my baby move within when I was pregnant with Lynnaea. It was a weird and marvelous experience all rolled into one. It was not at all what I had anticipated. Somehow, before I'd experienced it, I thought I would anticipate the movement -- that I'd know it was coming. Almost as though the baby and I were connected mentally, and not just physically. Which, of course, isn't the case. I never know when the baby will move or kick. And even the feeling of it is different than what I thought. Amazing and wonderful, but different. Just proof for myself that sometimes what we expect isn't what happens -- and that isn't necessarily a bad thing at all ;).
I am always awed by the amazing miracle that is pregnancy. And I know I am imperfect and flawed. But I am grateful to have the opportunity to carry life within me. It is an honor I cannot fully describe. A humbling experience.
What are you grateful for today?
I write this with hesitation, because I know many wonderful women who long to feel what I am about to describe. Women who have never had the opportunity to carry a child. And women who have lost babies at various times during pregnancy. And so, my comments are not meant to be cold or callous as I relish the feeling of life growing within me.
I truly am grateful for being able to feel our unborn baby inside. For I am a worrier by nature. And feeling the little tiny bumps -- which require that I lay still and focus with my hands on my abdomen at this point -- reassure the worry-wart in me. From the days I first start feeling these taps within, I start seeking them every day. I did the same when I was pregnant with our little girl.
And they never get old. They always make me smile. And I sometimes even laugh as I will sometimes feel the baby respond to my putting pressure on a specific spot (the baby usually taps there, then I press again, and the baby taps again).
I remember the first time I realized I was feeling my baby move within when I was pregnant with Lynnaea. It was a weird and marvelous experience all rolled into one. It was not at all what I had anticipated. Somehow, before I'd experienced it, I thought I would anticipate the movement -- that I'd know it was coming. Almost as though the baby and I were connected mentally, and not just physically. Which, of course, isn't the case. I never know when the baby will move or kick. And even the feeling of it is different than what I thought. Amazing and wonderful, but different. Just proof for myself that sometimes what we expect isn't what happens -- and that isn't necessarily a bad thing at all ;).
I am always awed by the amazing miracle that is pregnancy. And I know I am imperfect and flawed. But I am grateful to have the opportunity to carry life within me. It is an honor I cannot fully describe. A humbling experience.
What are you grateful for today?
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