I can't believe it's been 2 months since I last expressed gratitude here. My life has certainly been filled with gratitude-worthy moments and things and people. I've just been busy! But I do need to make sure I'm taking the time to count my blessings, and so today, I choose to write here again.
I write this with hesitation, because I know many wonderful women who long to feel what I am about to describe. Women who have never had the opportunity to carry a child. And women who have lost babies at various times during pregnancy. And so, my comments are not meant to be cold or callous as I relish the feeling of life growing within me.
I truly am grateful for being able to feel our unborn baby inside. For I am a worrier by nature. And feeling the little tiny bumps -- which require that I lay still and focus with my hands on my abdomen at this point -- reassure the worry-wart in me. From the days I first start feeling these taps within, I start seeking them every day. I did the same when I was pregnant with our little girl.
And they never get old. They always make me smile. And I sometimes even laugh as I will sometimes feel the baby respond to my putting pressure on a specific spot (the baby usually taps there, then I press again, and the baby taps again).
I remember the first time I realized I was feeling my baby move within when I was pregnant with Lynnaea. It was a weird and marvelous experience all rolled into one. It was not at all what I had anticipated. Somehow, before I'd experienced it, I thought I would anticipate the movement -- that I'd know it was coming. Almost as though the baby and I were connected mentally, and not just physically. Which, of course, isn't the case. I never know when the baby will move or kick. And even the feeling of it is different than what I thought. Amazing and wonderful, but different. Just proof for myself that sometimes what we expect isn't what happens -- and that isn't necessarily a bad thing at all ;).
I am always awed by the amazing miracle that is pregnancy. And I know I am imperfect and flawed. But I am grateful to have the opportunity to carry life within me. It is an honor I cannot fully describe. A humbling experience.
What are you grateful for today?
1 comment:
This is going to sound weird, and will probably get me some hate. But I'm grateful that I'm rapidly approaching the age where, if I actually did get married, I would not have to decide if I wanted to have babies or not. Because the prospect scares me, even though I think I would feel social pressure to actually try to have a child/children. So yeah, that means I will miss out on something that many women consider amazing. On the other hand, my closest friend, who is a month older than I am, has four children. All are now in school, and the oldest just turned 18. So the prospect of having a baby now, at my age, just seems weird. And I'm grateful that decision has already been made for me.
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