Awesome Cousins

One of my cousins had a birthday today.  Late -- as always (but still on the day!) -- I texted to tell her Happy Birthday!...

She responded with "We need another cousin vacation."  And I concur.

And so, I reminisced about memories shared with this particular cousin.  Memories of making cheese olivettes with our moms.  Memories of riding the train from New Jersey to New York City.  Of eating cheese-steaks at one of the authentic places in Philly.  Memories of sleeping on the pull-out bed in the living room of our grandparents' house right before our family reunion in 2008.  Memories of laughing about the dog.  And laughing about Dwight-isms.

And then I start to remember memories shared with my other awesome cousins (of which I have many...).  Memories of chocolate lovers' dreams and climbing on the Fine Arts building at a certain Southern Georgia university.  Memories of macaroni and butter and Jerry Springer and How Bizarre.  And maybe even the smell of fritos after a perm...

Or that stupid little feather in Forrest Gump and sitting up late into the night around the dinner table telling stories and laughing.  But trying really hard to keep it down so we don't get in trouble -- but my brother can't help himself when he hears the stupid little feather comment and, I believe, manages to almost choke on the soda he is drinking...

Or the cockroach that fell out of the sugar -- and the cousin who, in the middle of the night while our moms were asleep and all us cousins were sneaking spoonfuls of sugar (hey, they help the medicine go down, so they can't be all that bad, right ;)?) in the kitchen when someone just had to have white sugar and just couldn't settle for the brown sugar (which was better anyway...), when the cockroach fell out of the sugar, declared, "Oh darn!  the cockroach fell out of the sugar."  (It wasn't a real one, by the way...).

I have cousins with a variety of talents (like cake decorating and crocheting and game programming and amazing musical talent...).  I have cousins who are amazing examples of motherhood.  Cousins who are amazing examples of strength.  Cousins who have endured hardships I don't know if I'd have the strength to endure. 

I have been abundantly blessed with amazing family -- and my cousins are definitely in the top ranks of that list.  And for that, I am grateful.

What are you grateful for today?

My Sweet Niece Emily

So lately, I've had the opportunity to help my sister by watching her girls.  My niece Emily is 5 and will be starting Kindergarten in a couple of days.  But she still wasn't in school today like her big sister was, so I had her for most of the day (and her sister later in the afternoon too). 

Emily is awesome.  She used to call me "mama" when she was just learning to talk.  Mostly because I think that's the term she used for people she trusted and felt safe with.  I saw her the day she was born, and it's still hard for me to believe she is already 5 1/2.  Even harder to believe my little girl will be 5 1/2 one day.  (I held a newborn today and couldn't believe my munchkin was ever that small...  And yet she was.  It's a little heart-breaking how fast the time goes and how easily we forget what was...).

Anyway, as I had Emily here today, I noticed again how incredibly sweet she is with my toddler.  The difference in abilities between a 1 year old and a 5 year old is pretty vast.  And yet Emily is always so patient with my little girl.  She creates games they can play together -- even if my little one doesn't quite get it.  Emily always encourages my baby girl to follow her as she goes from room to room.  And my little girl loves it.  She adores Emily, I can tell. 

And it touches my heart to know my little girl already has such a loving and doting cousin.  Not that she doesn't have other loving cousins...  But there's something special about that Emily when it comes to my little girl.  She makes my little girl feel included and special.  And what that does for me as her mommy...  I lack words.  I've loved Emily for a long, long time.  Truth is, I think I loved my sister's girls as close to loving them like a mom loves her child as I could get (seeing as I didn't have a child at the time).  And this just makes me appreciate and love them (and her) even more.

Something else I've noticed about Emily in recent weeks is how she understands things intuitively...  Social situations.  The other day, when the nail polish was spilled on my rug, and I was trying desperately to clean it up as quickly as possible; my munchkin was interested in getting into the middle of everything.  Which was frustrating to me for two reasons:  1.  She was in the way.  But 2. Much more importantly, I was messing with a variety of chemicals I didn't want her to put her hands on and then in her mouth...  Emily could tell I needed my toddler entertained elsewhere.  She immediately stopped what she was doing and said, "I'll take her to her room."  She beckoned to my little girl, and the two of them went to the bedroom happily, and Emily kept her there entertained until I was through doing all I could do.  I was amazed at the wisdom and understanding at this 5 year old.  And grateful for it and her willingness to do that without being asked.

Yes, I love that Emily.  She is a joy in so many ways.  I'm glad I get to be her auntie.  Glad I get to be around her.  And glad I've been a part of her life since she was born.  What a blessing she is.

What are you grateful for today?

My Little Shadow

Tonight, as I was talking to my dad on the phone, I walked into the kitchen (to get dessert, of course ;)).  After a few minutes of randomly doing stuff in there, I looked down and saw my munchkin sitting on the floor in the kitchen with a couple of her library books.  She was just as happy as could be, flipping through her books and making a little sound every now and again.  And I commented to my dad that she follows me everywhere and described to him that she had come into the kitchen with me and was sitting contentedly on the floor. 

He told me that I should cherish that, because one day, when she's 15 and 16, she won't want me around. 

And whether or not she will feel that way in the years to come, the truth is, she won't always follow me around like a shadow.  And I do cherish it.  True, it can be annoying that even potty time can't be a private time for a mommy sometimes...  But, really, I do cherish the sweet little pitter patter of her feed as she follows me from room to room.  It is one of the cutest things in this world, and, even on the days when she's rolling around on the floor in the kitchen and is slightly underfoot as I try to cook, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I'm grateful for her -- and I'm grateful for the way she follows me around.

I love her.  She brings a brightness into my life I can't believe I ever did without.

What are you grateful for today?

My Aunt Hila

That's right....  I'm a name-sake.  If you didn't know :).

So, to give my mom the opportunity to go on vacation, my Aunt Hila flew out from New Jersey to take care of my grandma and give my mom a break.  And I'm so grateful to her for doing that.  And grateful for her. 

I'm also grateful for her example.  She is like the happiest person I know.  Well, actually, she's pretty much tied with my mom.  So I know those genes must be inside me somewhere!  Much like my mom, my Aunt Hila has a great sense of humor.  And there is nothing better than seeing her and my mom together.  They make life hilarious. 

It's been a treat to have her hang around an extra couple days so I could swing by and visit for a little bit each day.  There's just something nice about seeing family. 

Makes me want another family reunion...  Anyone else agree :)?

What are you grateful for today?

My Sister-in-Law Angie

So as I mentioned yesterday, we were in Utah.  It was a lovely trip, and so nice to get to visit with my brother and his family.  (Unfortunately I did not know one of my cousins was also in the exact same city, also visiting from out of town... what are the odds?)

I have to express particular gratitude to my SIL Angie, though.  She is a busy woman with work and two kiddos AND all the planning she did for Saturday when she and my brother got sealed in the Salt Lake Temple... AND she had to prepare for us to come and stay a few nights on top of it all.

I definitely appreciate all she did for us with this trip, but I am also grateful for past opportunities to visit with her and get to know her. Like when they came to our house and stayed a night around Christmas.  That is a great memory for me.

Anyway, I want to say more  but this tablet - though wonderful - is not the most  conducive for my mini novellas ;).  Even so, I am grateful for Angie. She is a beautiful lady and she has brought much happiness into my brother's life... for which I am also grateful.

What are you grateful for today?

My "Big" Brother Ben

Today is my older brother's birthday.  So I wanted to share several memories of growing up as his "little" (and likely obnoxious) sister to explain a bit of why I am grateful for him!

Due to the large gap in age between us (9 years, with no siblings in between), Ben was often tasked with watching us younger siblings when we were growing up.  I don't necessarily remember a lot about this, except I've seen some of our home videos -- so I know he was usually helping corral the kiddos while my mom was filming.  And I remember at least one time when he walked to pick me up from a friend's house.  I don't remember much about it, I just remember him walking me home and making a snide comment to some neighborhood kid said something rude to him (don't remember what, though).  Ah, the things we remember.

I remember, after he moved away to go to college, how excited we always were to see him when he'd go home to Panama to visit.  I remember his huge collection of cassette tapes of Guns 'n' Roses and other things (I don't remember the others, though... just the G 'n' R).  Yep, cassette tapes -- so awesome, right?  Oh, the Moody Blues.  He listened to them too at some point. 

I remember how he and I would write letters back and forth for a while.  Those meant a lot to me.  I mean, I really looked up to my "big" brother; so when he moved away and wrote to me, that was the bee's knees :).  And I recall how hard it was for me to accept that he had grown up and was moving on with life.  He was "my" big brother -- and I felt very possessive of him for a long time. 

I remember him playing the Atari a lot (old school...  awesome old school).  And I remember there was one game called Dandy where you could create your own level and I think he made one that was basically impossible to beat.  You "warped" into that level and were surrounded by all the monsters.  I can still hear (in my head) the sounds of the monsters "hitting" the character (which was a number with legs...) and then the explosion-like sound of death.  Hahaha.

But I think the best memory I have of him took place in 1989.  December of 1989.  It was during Operation Just Cause (a "war" that took place in Panama while we lived there).  There was a lot of fear during that time.  We lived in U.S. Civilian housing, but we weren't on-base -- which meant there were no guards monitoring the entering and exiting of our little community.  (Actually, eventually things got bad enough that there were for a time.)  I remember my parents always having the news on the tv at this time -- even during dinner, which was not the case beforehand.  One night, they were downstairs watching TV in the dark while the rest of us were upstairs.  Ben was entertaining us by drawing us little cartoon characters.  He was very talented with these types of things.  He drew us a goofy family.  The daughter was listening to a walkman with her eyes closed and not watching where she was going and was about to trip on a rock...  The sun was holding a lit round bomb (think Mario Bros bombs) and the animated duck on his shirt was freaking out looking at the bomb... the dad was sitting in a recliner eating potato chips (and was a rather large man)... and the mom was standing on a stool afraid of a mouse who was sticking its tongue out at her.  I don't know why we all remember that so well, but we do.  We thought those cartoons were the most awesome ever.  I remember, though, that we were told to go into the hallway upstairs if we wanted the big lights on (we were keeping the lights to a minimum so as to draw little attention to our home).  And then I remember my parents came running up the stairs at one point to be with us.  Apparently there had been snipers in the neighborhood trying to get onto one of the military bases which had a back-road access through our community (that wasn't really guarded), so some U.S. tanks were rolling into our neighborhood.  I'd never seen my parents act so afraid and it scared me.... I remember crying.

Anyway, that's just best memory I have of Ben...  The memory of him taking care of us and entertaining us during a scary time while my parents were trying to know all that was going on to keep our family safe. 

And I have to say that, of all my mom's 4 kids, I think Ben is the one who got her compassion.  Which is a trait I admire a lot.

So, Happy Birthday Ben!  I love you -- and I'm grateful you're my brother :).

What are you grateful for today?

Monica W

I've been thinking for quite some time that I need to do a "grateful for Monica" post.  And so I decided today is the day!

Monica is one of my awesome sisters-in-law.  One I married into :).  And she is amazing.  She reminds me a lot of my mom because of her personality.  And that is a good thing.  I think my mom is amazing in so many ways, and I want to be more like my mom:  more patient, compassionate, forgiving, laid-back...  I see those same qualities in Monica.

She doesn't know this, but I actually have written in my journal (from 2011) just how grateful I was for her back then.  I went to a family gathering that Fall for the first time (I wasn't officially part of the family yet at that point), and she made sure I stuck with her and she introduced me to everyone while our husbands (well, mine was a boyfriend back then) were off playing with the apple cider press.  I appreciated that more than she can possibly know... I was the "new" person and felt incredibly self-conscious.  She put me at ease and stuck by me.  Not that others weren't there to talk to too...  But family gatherings have lots of visiting going on -- and sometimes a lot of chaos with the little munchkins running around.  So I was just grateful that Monica was pretty much always by my side whenever my sweetie wasn't.

I've appreciated Monica for her listening ear and her compassion and understanding with me when I've gone through tough times. 

I've appreciated her sacrifices on my (and our) behalf -- like driving 2 hours to attend a baby shower at night, knowing she wouldn't get home until late.  And like fixing up the RV thingamabob that we always sleep in when we go to visit -- making sure all the sheets are clean and the bed is made, etc.  And insisting that we not worry about stripping it all when we leave.

And how she always welcomes us when we do come visit.  With open arms and lots of excitement. 

I appreciate deeply the way she loves my little girl. 

And I appreciate that she knows how to make some yummy good food. :).

And I appreciate how thoughtful she is.  For Christmas, she ordered me a book (or maybe it's for the munchkin) full of pictures of our little girl each month and the letter I wrote for my baby girl each month (and posted on another blog).  It was a complete surprise -- and what a treasure it is!  

There's a lot to love and appreciate about Monica...  And I definitely consider it a blessing that I married into a family with someone as awesome as she is :). 

What are you grateful for today?

My Heavenly Father

Seeing as it is Father's Day, I wanted to focus my gratitude that today.  Because I have a great father.  So great, in fact, that I actually wrote a grateful post about my earthly father several months ago, after we returned from our visit to see him in October/November.  I love my dad immensely.  It is because of my earthly father that I can comprehend the love of my Heavenly Father.  It is why I believe firmly that He exists, that He knows me, that I am literally one of His children, and that, as such, He loves me.  Perfectly.

And so, today, I will express my gratitude for my Heavenly Father.  I believe it is because of Him that I have all the wonderful things I have.  He has blessed me to have so much.  I have seen His hand in my life.  I have witnessed miracles sent by Him.  I have experienced the fulfillment of promises He has given me.  I know He knows me.  I know He cares about what I go through in this life.  I know He hurts for me when I hurt.  And that He rejoices with me when I feel joy and happiness.  I know He created this beautiful Earth that I might come here to experience mortality:  He gave me a home.  I know that He wants the best for me.  Now and in the eternities to come.

And I know all of these things, because He blessed me with a father who exemplifies those same things:  he knows, he cares, he hurts, he rejoices, he gave me a home, he wants the best for me.  And because I can understand the love of an earthly father, I can believe in and somewhat comprehend the love of a Heavenly Father too.

I am a child of God, and He has sent me here.  Has given me an earthly home with parents kind and dear.


Though I lack the ability to see things quite exactly from the perspective of this video (due to the fact I am a female), I do believe that "all that I am and all that I have is because He is a Father to me."  And I also think this is a beautiful video about fatherhood.  I absolutely love the quote at the end from the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

"...of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that are given to Deity, He has asked us to address Him as Father."

What are you grateful for today?

My Mom

Though I am sure many would argue with me, I believe I have the best mom... in the history of ever ;).  I've always felt very blessed to have my mom as my mother.  I have always recognized in her the aspects that make a mom -- a mom.  Patience.  Love.  Unbelievable, unconditional love.  Gentleness.  Kindness.  A sense of humor. Patience.  Love.  Laughter.  Understanding.  Nurturing.  Maternal.  Selflessness.  Patience.  Love.  The ability to embarrass me, whether I'm 16 or 29...

And now that I am a mother, I realize even more fully how blessed I am to have my mother be mine.  

Before I became a mother, my hope was that I might become half the mother my mom is.  I can't say I think I've been successful, but hopefully I'm a work in progress.  And I'm so very grateful to have her as my example.

And here's why:

My mom has the best sense of humor.  She can laugh at herself, and I love that about her.  Some of the greatest examples of this:  Back in 2009, she, my dad, and I were driving from Alabama to Washington, bringing Christina's Jeep out.  My dad was never willing to navigate (he doesn't feel like he is good at it), so he was either driving or in the back chatting.  At this particular point, he was in the back and I was navigating -- my mom was driving.  We were cruising through California and my dad was musing aloud whether or not we thought those orchards of trees we were passing were fig trees.  My mom (who hadn't heard him properly) said (under her breath), "I'm pretty sure those trees are real."  I had heard both things properly (and I was a little out-done with this roadtrip) and I reiterated: "fig trees."  To which she responded, "Yeah, I think they are real trees."  And I exclaimed: "FIG!  He said FIG!"  Oh my goodness.  I still laugh so hard about that one.  I mean, really?  She thought he was proposing there was an orchard full of fake trees!?!  She just about drove off the road laughing after she realized what he'd really said.  And she still laughs about it too.  Or there was this time when she was contemplating changing her ring tone on her cell phone.  And she was going through each option.  And had gone full circle and heard her phone ringing.  An incoming call!  Quite flustered, she quickly tried to push the button to answer it and said, "hello?  Hello?"  Yeah, it was just the little sample of the ring tone -- that just happened to be the one she had it set on.  That was classic.  I love that she laughs at these.  It's a great example to me not to take myself too seriously in life.

I remember growing up, and for our birthday, she would come in and sing to us in the morning.  Happy Birthday.  That's how she'd wake us up on our birthday.  And as much as I loathed mornings, I just couldn't be grumpy on those mornings.  I remember when I turned 16, she stayed up late the night before with me and made a whole bunch of cupcakes for me to take to seminary and my Spanish class.

I remember in the summers, when we'd do our Bake Sale, my mom was always did the baking -- and supplied the ingredients!  She did that so we could have 100% profit.  I realized how kind that was when, in 1997, she came up to the States a little before us and my dad was in charge of taking us to the store to buy ingredients.  He was all business.  And the business (bake sale profits) paid for the ingredients that time.  Haha...  Sure made me appreciate my mom more for that! ;).

I love my mom's wisdom.  A few years back, I was bemoaning my being "old."  Haha.  Mostly I was just feeling old and wondering if I'd ever get married.  My mother, in all her awesome wisdom, gave me this gem: "The way I see it, anyone born the same year as me is either my same age or dead."  It's so true.  But for some reason, I find it so incredibly hilarious.

My mom is incredibly patient in ways I cannot comprehend.  She never rises to an argument.  She sees good in everyone.  And always taught me growing up that there is good in everyone.  And I guess she once told the assistant director at the library where we both once worked (in Dothan) that are no bad children, only bad choices.  And that really stuck with him as he started raising his daughter.

My mom is a great cook.  She makes bomb macaroni and cheese.  And arroz con pollo.  And empanaditas.  And flan.  And chicken.  And stuffing.  And gravy.  And mashed potatoes.  And pretty much any other comfort food you can imagine.  And let's not forget the brownies, cookies, yadda yadda yadda.  She frequently takes a full meal to the funeral home where she works to feed all the employees.  And they all are happy when she does.

Righteousness and faithfulness.  My mom never complains.  She just keeps moving forward, no matter what sort of lemons life hands her.  This is another area where I stand in awe and feel I have much to learn from her.

Let's not forget the embarrassment...  So one time, when we were flying back to Panama, she embarrassed me by telling me (loudly, I might add) that the male flight attendant (who was quite cute, I will admit) was checking me out.  And while a part of me was flattered...  A part of me was mortified she noticed and said something about it.

And love.  My mom loves me.  And all of her children.  I sometimes get a little scared at the prospect of having more children, because it is incredible to me that I could love another baby as much as I love my baby girl.  But then I realize:  I'm not the first of my mom's children.  I am her second baby.  And I have never ever ever not even once doubted her love for me.  I've never felt like she loved my older brother more than she loved me.  And this gives me confidence that it will be the same for me when I have more babies.  That my love will grow.

As usual, I feel I have not done this justice.  I just know I love my mom.  I love the example she has set for me.  I have felt her love throughout my life.  I am very very blessed.  The truth is, I don't really have the words.  I just know the way I feel.  And grateful is definitely among those feelings.

And here is a poem I wrote about her back in 2005 in my Creative Writing class.  The changed perspective as one matures and realizes what a mother really is.  Who she is.

A Different View
A lifetime ago she annoyed me:
A sing-song voice singing,
“It’s time to get up in the morning!”
A drill sergeant:
“Hila, your dish-night.”
A nag:
“Go clean your room; no MTV.”
A lifetime since she’s become my adviser,
My pillow for crying, my cooking instructor.
A lifetime ago, I was wrong.

What are you grateful for today?

My Sister-in-Law Gwen

I'm pretty much always grateful for my sister-in-law Gwen.  I am fortunate that she married one of my sweetie's awesome brothers (way before I married my sweetie, by the way) so that I can know her.

She's awesome for a number of reasons.  Like she has the best cornbread recipe.  And she makes awesome soups.  And also I have come to really admire her parenting and hope to figure out how to be like her in a lot of those ways.  She's been my go-to person for a lot of things, and maybe she doesn't know this, but in many ways I've viewed her as a mentor.

But none of those awesome things are why I'm grateful for her today specifically.  That reason is that, as a baby shower gift (a year ago today!), she gave us some essential oils stuff for various baby needs. 

I won't claim to know much about essential oils.  Gwen does, though.  She's a total guru at it and actually has a business having to do with them.  I also can't claim to be all about oils.  I haven't done the research necessary to be all about them, for one thing.

But here's the thing:  today, after I got home from a baby shower, I discovered my little miss was running a fever.  A low-grade one.  And she definitely wasn't being herself.  She wasn't crying and she would babble and crawl around a bit.  But she was more snuggly and not at all excited about things like she usually is.  Just not her normal self.  So I knew she wasn't feeling well.  And maybe this is a mommy fail in some ways, but I have no baby Tylenol or anything of the sort in the house.  And I'm a little hesitant at times to automatically medicate.  But then my husband remembered that we got several things as baby gifts from Gwen.  I couldn't remember what all of them were (though we've now used all of them at some point in the last year, just not often enough for me to remember each one).  And tonight we finally used the fever reducer one -- that just gets rolled on the bottom of her feet. 

And I was so grateful for Gwen -- that she knows what she knows.  That she provided us with something we could use to try to help our little girl. 

Baby Girl is now sleeping soundly.  And in feeling her head before she went down for the night, I'm pretty sure it felt a little cooler (I didn't actually take her temperature, though, so I'm going by feel).  And so I'm going to say this was a success.  We've also used the diaper rash spray and the upset tummy roll-on too -- mostly back in the day when she had lots of gas troubles and fussed a lot.

Anyway, I just appreciate that I had something to use tonight...  And it was thanks to the thoughtfulness of Gwen.  And from my mommy heart, I can't help but be so grateful.

What are you grateful for today?

My Talented Sister-in-Law Michele

While I was out running errands today, I received a text from my sweetie letting me know my brother and sister-in-law had dropped off a dress for our little munchkin!  I was so excited to get home and see it :).  Isn't it lovely!?

My sister-in-law Michele is very talented when it comes to the sewing machine.  She has made adorable quilts, pajamas, dresses...  True treasures indeed.  And to be the recipients of these wonderful home-made things is truly a blessing! 

This dress is a pretty little silky-type dress with pretty Japanese-like flowers.  Absolutely darling!  And it is the perfect size for our munchkin to wear now -- and for many more months!  Which, when you have a baby who grows like a week, is very nice!  I'm so excited to have another Sunday dress -- and it's perfect for the Summer weather which is on its way! 

This was a real treat to come home to today, and I really am so grateful to my sister-in-law who loves our little girl and takes the time and effort to share her talent and make such beautiful creations for her!  And I'm grateful for this beautiful dress, too!

What are you grateful for today?

Tarylyn H

Tarylyn was my sister-in-law for many years.  10, I think. 

And it's true, by law, we are no longer sisters-in-law.  But a quote from the ever-classic movie Clueless comes to mind:  "You divorce wives, not children."  (And in this case, maybe it's a little different, but still, the idea to me is that not all relationships have to be destroyed as the result of a divorce).  I'm not saying divorce is ever a great thing.  It is a hard thing.  A heart-breaking thing.  And sometimes, you do end up severing all ties, because that is just what's best. 

But there are times when, after the dust all settles, things can be smooth.  They may not ever return to what they were.  But relationships can be mended, and time (and forgiveness) can heal much.  And I am grateful that Tarylyn has made the effort to keep in touch with our family and has been open and inviting always in regards to us being a part of my niece and nephews' lives.  That she always informs me of birthday parties and tries to make sure we know about school concerts and other events. 

Today was one of those times.  My youngest nephew turns 8 tomorrow, and today we celebrated him.  And I am so grateful that I was able to be a part of that celebration.  That bitterness and grudges don't exist between us, and that the children can feel loved.  I really appreciate that Tarylyn has afforded me this.  And I'm also grateful that my brother is also grateful we are all still a part of the kids' lives.

I am grateful, too, for the fond memories of the past.  Of Rainbow Brite birthday cakes, Halloween parties, trips to Valdosta to house-hunt, and spending the night in the hospital waiting for the birth of a niece. 

And, yeah, the law may say we are no longer related...  But her kids are still my niece and nephews.  Her blood and my family's blood runs in their veins.  And so I guess that means we're still family, after all.

What are you grateful for today?

My Sweet Sister Christina

*Due to internet issues last night, I couldn't post.  But I was grateful yesterday and wrote this last night.


Today my sister turns 29. 

Twenty-nine.  Really!?!

It doesn’t seem like that long ago that I was 29.  How can the baby of the family be on the verge of 30 now?

But that’s time for you.  It marches on, almost imperceptibly.  Until one day, you realize just how much of it has passed.   Like when your baby sister turns 29.

But how grateful I am that she’s been in my life these past 29 years.  She helps make my life full.  Full of fun.  Full of great memories.  Sometimes full of frustration ;).  But what sister hasn’t done that at some point?

So we were born back in the day when ultrasounds were not so commonplace, unless there were complications.  So my parents didn’t know with any of us whether we would be a boy or a girl until we were born.  When my mom was expecting Christina, everyone was sure she was expecting a boy.  Including one of my grandmas, who had apparently been right with all the rest of us.  Well, everyone thought she was expecting a boy with one exception.  Me.  I was sure I was having a sister.  And it turned out I was right.

True, there were times during my teenage years when I wished I’d have been sure I was having a brother (as though that was going to change the baby’s gender… Ha!).  But I don’t feel that way now.  I have cherished memories of my sister.  Moments that still make me laugh.

Like how we used to play “Prissy laid an egg” with various toys.  Christina was always prissy, who would sit on the edge of the bed (there was a gap between the mattress and the bed-frame, because it had once been intended to hold a waterbed), and pretend to read while Brad and I would find various toys to stick in the gap – Prissy’s egg – and then Prissy would check out her newest addition.  The most hilarious one was when we put the fake-blood-covered Bravestarr doll in the gap and Prissy declared it was a rotten egg and threw it to the corner of the room.

Or how she would help me study for Physiology class when I was a junior in high school.  I feel it was a true act of charity that she gave up her time when she could have been talking to friends, playing with whatever she was into playing with at the time… whatever.  But she chose to help me study.  Chose to help me learn various names for human anatomy.  Like popliteal (which, after 15+, years I no longer am sure how to spell, but it is the back of the knee).   And the thing is…  What cherished memories came from that sacrifice she made on my behalf.

Christina and I are like night and day.  She is brave and adventurous.  I am neither of those things.  She is opinionated and outspoken.  I’m opinionated, but I’m less likely to shout it from the rooftops.  I usually share my thoughts with those who I think will be in agreement.  This fact led to another hilarious story from our childhood.  It was back in the day when we were all too young to stay home alone.  My mom had started taking computer classes at Panama Canal College, and one of her classes was in the afternoon.  Which meant she had three kids tagging along.  We were to sit in the student center and behave ourselves while she attended class.  And, to my recollection, we did pretty well.  We kept to ourselves in a spot over by the windows.  Well, it was the student center, and so when classes would get out, a lot of students would pour into it to have snacks and visit.  And every day, there was this one guy who would walk in after all the others and loudly declare his presence by hollering “Hola! (hello!)” as he walked through the door with his arms raised high.  Like he was somebody.  He did this, like, every single day.  Mouthy that I am (but only to Brad and Christina), I quietly said, “Next time he does that, I’m going to yell back “Adios! (goodbye!)”  I’d have NEVER in a million years had the guts to seriously do it…  But I liked to pretend I would.  Christina, though…  Yeah…  She’s gutsier than I am.  The next time we were there, sure enough, that guy walked in with his usual loud greeting.  And what did Christina do?  Yelled, “Adios!”  There was a massive pause as all eyes turned to our little corner.  And then everyone laughed.  And that  started a conversation in which they asked us why we were always there, etc.  At one point, they asked if we were siblings.  Christina – in her infinite wisdom – said, “Well, they are; but I was found under a rock.”  Hahahaha….  She knew she didn’t want to claim us, but sort of got it backwards!  Hilarious!  Anyway, that guy ended up being pretty cool.  And I can still remember one day, as we were in the car leaving the campus, we passed that guy, and he totally waved at Christina. 

And I remember being 18 or 19, and Christina would help me get pretty for my dates by doing my hair and make-up (she’s always been more skilled in these areas than yours truly).

And if I had to describe my sister in one word, it would be loyal.  She is absolutely 100% loyal to those she loves and holds dear.  And I really admire that about her.  

And!  I remember sharing a bed with her.  I swear this is why I learned not to roll much.  Because one time, I accidentally rolled on her side of the bed, and she woke me up with a swift punch to the butt and told me to move over!  But, she was a blessing too, as far as bed-buddies go.  Because during my teenage years, I would sometimes awake in the middle of the night with excruciating muscle pains in my calves.  She would always go get our mom for me.  And she would sometimes wake up with bouts of vertigo, and I’d go get our mom for her.  So it worked out well – in spite of any bruised bottoms ;).

It’s been a fabulous 29 years.  Yes, there have been plenty of doses of downs to accompany the ups.  But that’s just life.  I’m grateful for this sister who has helped me through a lot of life.  I’m grateful for the memories we share and the memories we have yet to make.

Happy 29^th, Christina.  I love you.  

What are you grateful for today?

My Wonderful Husband Jeremy

My husband's job requires that he works different shifts.  Usually this changes every month.  Currently he is on swing shift (working 2 p.m. until 10 p.m.) 5 days a week.  Which is preferable to swing shift for 4 days a week (which means he works until midnight).  When he isn't working swings, he's usually working days.  But when the project really gets going (or is really pushing the envelope for getting finished on time), I have no doubt there will be a grave shift month thrown in there too.  And I really dread that one.

Generally speaking, swing shift is my favorite shift.  I'm a night person.  I really prefer not to do mornings...  And after I get the baby down for the night, I have several hours that are all mine.  It's a beautiful thing.

Last night was a different story though...  I went to bed before Jeremy got home (which I rarely do) in an effort to get a little extra sleep (Baby Girl has decided to start waking up between 6 and 6:30 rather than 7 or 7:30).  I figured he'd be home within 30 minutes of me getting into bed and I'd hear him come in before drifting off to sleep.  Not so.  11:00 came and went.  Then 11:30.  It's been known to happen that, since there isn't currently a grave-shift working, if something unforeseen happens, swing shift stays on until it's resolved.  So I told myself not to worry -- that he'd be home soon.  I managed to drift off a little.  Until midnight, when the cuckoo clock woke me back up.  I can't say I adore this clock, but my husband does, so I tolerate it ;).  Upon realizing it was midnight and he still wasn't home, I got worried.  I even came out to the living room to find a contact number and call his work.  (I've never had occasion to call him at work, so this was a first).  The phone was busy.  So again, I told myself to go to bed -- that if the phone was busy, it meant they were all still there and trying to resolve some issue.  But I'm a worrier by nature.  Try as a may, I cannot shut off my brain and all the what if ifs (after all, he does walk home late at night, and there are crazy things that happen)...  And so, it was in this state of my crazy mind that I thought, "How awful would it be if something had happened, and I'd never dedicated a "grateful" post to my sweet husband?"

I'm happy to report I finally got through to him at work around 1 a.m.  And managed to drift off into light sleep until I heard him come in a little after 2 a.m.  At which point I completely zonked out.  Because I'm just able to sleep better when he is home.  It just is.

So yeah... Long story about why I've chosen to make Jeremy my grateful for today.  Officially on the blog, that is.  Because I'm grateful for him most days :).  I say most, because there are those pouty days where we have a tiff and I'm being a dork.  But even then, I can still acknowledge a reason to be grateful for this wonderful man I married.  And even on those days, if he didn't come home until 4 hours after he normally does, I'd still be out of my mind with worry.  Because I love him.  Incredibly.

I am grateful for the way he makes me laugh.  Sometimes he drives me crazy with his silliness.  But it does make me giggle and laugh.  And I'm grateful.  Sometimes I laugh so hard at the way he says things with such incredulity.  For example...  Back before the baby was born, we randomly decided to trade the way we slept in bed one night and sleep with our heads where our feet usually are (oh, I think we were trying to figure out if a chemically smell we kept smelling was coming from in the wall by our heads or not).  Jeremy made this whole production of turning the mattress so our head would still be where our heads usually were (on the mattress).  I told him I figured we would just put our pillows on the bottom, not go to all that trouble.  With the most shocked expression (and in complete sincerity) he said, "You mean sleep with our heads where we put our feet!?!?!"  Something about it made me laugh so hard.

I am grateful he does our taxes.  I hate doing taxes.  (This is on my mind since he just spent the last 4 hours hogging the computer to do them ;))...

I am so grateful that he felt as I did:  that it was important for me to be home with our children.  He encourages me and supports me in being a stay-at-home-mom.  What a blessing that is!

I am grateful that he takes his responsibility as provider for our family seriously.  That he goes to work every day to make a living, to supply health insurance, to put away money for our future.  He is a good man.

I am grateful that he is a hard worker.  Not just in his employment and willingness to work to support our family, but also in other ways.  Every time we go to Alabama (okay, so we've only been twice so far), he helps my dad with a lot of projects that require a lot of physical labor.  I know my dad appreciates it.  And I know I do too.

I'm grateful that he is an outside-of-the-box thinker.  Because I am definitely NOT.  He finds resourceful ways to fix things and solve problems.  And I am consistently amazed with his ability to do so. 

I am grateful that he is creative and mechanically inclined and able to build things (and fix things).  Like our bed.  And my can rotation rack thing -- which I still love.

I'm grateful for the way he helps us be prepared for the curve balls of life.

I'm grateful for the way he helps me be a better person.

And I'm grateful he's my husband. 

What are you grateful for today?

Nieces and Nephews

I suppose I'm a little biased, but I think I have the best nieces and nephews ever.  And most of them live nearby. 

Today, while celebrating the one who turned 5, I was able to spend time with almost all of them (except the two currently living in Utah).  What a treat! 

Prior to having my own little munchkin, my siblings and siblings-in-law were kind enough to let me enjoy their babies a lot.  I've taken them for frozen yogurt and ice cream.  I've had them spend the night.  I've danced with them at a "ball" (and for some reason always had to be the prince ;)).  I've made indoor tents with them, tickled them, baby-sat them, dressed them in "gowns" and "capes" (blankets and pillowcases).  I've snuggled them as babies -- and hugged them as not-so-much-babies-anymore.  They've been baking helpers, packing "helpers," and gardening helpers. 

They have added such richness to my life.  I am blessed to call them mine as nieces and nephews.  Blessed to have them nearby.  And grateful to have them in my life.

What are you grateful for today?

My Precious Lynnaea

On this Thanksgiving, this day set aside to be grateful for all we have (though, truthfully, we should be thankful every day); I decided to write about the greatest blessing I received this year.

And she is my daughter Lynnaea.

This time last year, she was a secret no one knew, except her dad and me.  This time last year, I was waiting for my first doctor appointment to hear her little heart beating.  

It is so hard for me to believe she is now 6 months old.  That at the beginning of this year, I was just barely starting to feel her wiggle around inside of me.  That I wasn't sure if she was a she or not (and we didn't find out until she was born!).  That every month or so, I waited anxiously to hear her little heartbeat.  It is hard for me to believe, even though I know it's true, that I have actually gone through labor and delivery and survived the sleepless nights.  It's so unbelievable to me at times that she is mine.  That the wonderful little baby girl with the roly-poly arms and legs sitting up on the floor playing with her toys as I write this is my sweet girl.  That I am her mommy.  But it's true.

She has changed my world.  She has changed my life.  She has changed me.  She has brightened my world.  She has improved (and sometimes complicated) my life.  She has made me a better person.  She has taught me how to be more patient, more loving, more compassionate.  She has given me reasons to work on being more kind, less judgmental.  More positive, and less pessimistic.  To really examine myself so that I can work on being the best example for her I can be.

She puts a smile on my face faster and easier than anyone or anything else in the whole world...  And she does it just by being herself.

It's hard to explain, really, but since having her, I think I feel more deeply.

I am grateful every single day for this precious life that has been entrusted to my care.  I feel inadequate more often than not.  But I feel blessed.  And thankful.  Though I can clearly remember what life was like before she was here, I can't imagine life without her from here on out.   Nor do I want to.   I hoped for so long to have a baby -- and feared for so long it would never be.  She helps make my dreams come true.

I have much to be thankful for.  Much that makes my life blessed.  And my sweet Lynnaea is at the top of that list, every day.  And so, this Thanksgiving, I give thanks for all my blessings.  But especially for her.

What are you grateful for today?

Awesome Parents-in-Law

We spent the majority of today at my husband's parents' house.  And we got home way passed munchkin's bedtime.  And she had a rough time going down.  Which is rare for her.  Thus, this post is going to be brief (and it's also technically written on the 24th...).

I do have to say that, when it comes to parents-in-law, I feel like I hit the jackpot in so many ways. Because mine are awesome.

My mother-in-law is a strong woman with a ton of experience in things like sewing, gardening, living frugally, canning, and food storage (yeah, they kind of go hand-in-hand, but they don't necessarily have to...).  Seriously, she is an amazing woman.  She is so thoughtful, always making sure to send a card for special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries -- and she hand-makes each one!  She has a neat tradition for birthday cards for her grand-kids, and I have to admit, I'm pretty excited to start saving up our sweet girl's for her for when she's old enough to understand it.  I'm grateful to have this wonderful woman as an example and a source.

My father-in-law is reserved and observant.  And he is so wonderful with our baby girl.  I will never forget the way his face lit up when he walked into our hospital room to see his newest grand-daughter for the first time.  It melted my heart.  It is a joy to see him interact with her and I am so grateful we live close enough that this can happen often(ish).  I always enjoy sitting down to talk with my father-in-law and getting to know him more and more.  And I realize that he is very wise.

And these two wonderful people raised a really wonderful man:  my husband.  Actually, it can be argued (and will be) that they actually raised 5 wonderful men.  And they did.  They instilled in my husband the value of hard work.  They also instilled in him the value of a dollar and how important it is to be self-reliant.  And I am so grateful that they did.  What a blessing to know them; what a blessing to call the family.

What are you grateful for today?

My "Little" Brother Brad

The truth is, I can't remember life without my brother Brad.  He was born not quite 13 months after me -- on November 22nd --  (and now that I totally understand what it is to have a baby, I think my mom was either crazy or super-mom...), so Brad's always just been there.

As siblings do, we've had our close times and our not-so-close times.  But mostly we've been close. 

And hopefully I don't embarrass him with some of my memories.  I don't think I will.  But you just never know.

So, I don't remember this, but according to my dad, I was kind of like Brad's security blanket when we were little kids.  I guess he figured he was safe as long as I was around.  The only evidence I've seen that this is true is on an old family video of our birthday party (I was turning 3 and he 2, I believe).  He'd been hanging around me, and then I walked away.  He started to look really sad and uncertain, and my dad ended up calling him over.  I don't know if Brad was feeling scared because I left or not, but my dad says that was the case. 

I remember feeling protective of Brad when we were growing up.  His first day of kindergarten was a hard one for him -- because he didn't go to pre-school, and had never been away from my mom.  As such, he cried a lot and made himself sick.  I don't remember a lot of details about that, but I know I was distraught over the whole thing. 

Of course, I also remember slapping him to make sure "all the laughs were out of" him (so we could sneak downstairs and spy on my dad watching TV).  Just FYI -- all the laughs were not out of him until the 4th or 5th slap.  (Yes, yes, apparently I was a cruel sister...). 

And I remember the time he tried to squeeze gak through the holes of a cotton blanket because his friend Tommy had done so with his nylon football jersey (the results were not consistent...).  And being the awesome sister I am, I laughed at him until he was so mad he kicked me out of his room... until I threatened to tell our dad.  (Good news:  the gak came out in the wash).

I remember Brad being friends with a kid at church I had a major crush on, and so Brad would invite him to come over and spend the night.  (Yes, this was a time when I actually told him about my crush -- and he was a good brother... he kept it on the DL).

And I remember there came a day when my "little" brother wasn't so little anymore.  So I had to stop calling him that.  He's now taller than I am.  And stronger too.  I learned that lesson during one of our teenage-years fights...  And he learned that a Physiology book is pretty hefty and not a fun thing to get smacked with.  Hmmm... I should have been nicer.

Sometimes, when Brad was stationed overseas (like in Turkey), he would call me in his free time.  And that meant a lot to me.

Brad has an ability to make me laugh like no one else.  And it's always with the stupidest stuff ever.  Like years ago, when we lived in Panama, there was this stuff called MILO, and it was a type of chocolate malt mix.  And it didn't seem to mix in very well -- it always had this thick layer of the stuff floating on top of the milk.  And so one day, Brad spooned some up and said, "Hey, you want a bite of my MILO?"  And I don't know why that was even funny, but it hilarious.  And we still laugh about it.  So when I saw a can of it at Wal-Mart in Dothan while we were down there, I totally took a cell phone picture and sent it to him with that quote. 

Brad also had an annoying tendency to make up lyrics to songs.  Annoying lyrics.  For a short time, he was always inserting the word "phone" into the song -- and it irritated me.  For example, Chris Isaac's song "Somebody's Cryin'"... Brad would sing, "So please... Return the [phone] you took from me."  He thought it was hilarious.  Probably more because it irritated me than anything else.

And I know that I was really glad that Brad was right there to start a new high school with me when we moved to Dothan before my Senior year.  I had someone to eat lunch with, and so did he.  We didn't feel quite so alone in a new school.

So, honestly, the list could go on.  Thirtysomething (yikes!  are we really that old?) years will do that for you...  I just love my "little" brother.  And I'm grateful for him.  Even though I probably haven't taken the time to really tell him that lately.  He has added a lot of fun to my life.  And I appreciate him and the closeness we've shared over the years.  I miss him living close.  And I wish I'd have taken advantage more of when he was here.  But I'm still grateful for the memories -- and the hope of being able to make many more. 

Happy Birthday, Bradymus.  You rock.

What are you grateful for today?

My Dad

I have a great dad.

He loves me and my siblings.  He always provided for us when we were growing up.  I can remember how he would walk to work every morning when I was a teenager.  We had everything we needed and so much of what we wanted.  I know my dad went without a lot of things he would have enjoyed having so that we kids could have things we either needed or wanted. 

My dad is a family man.  He always has been.  His idea of a nice time was time spent with his family -- whether it was camping at the Aquativity Center on the Atlantic Side or going to the Bacarron River for the day. I admit that, as teenagers, we gave him a hard time with this...  We weren't interested in the family time.  And it's regrettable now.  Unfortunately I learned too late that I needed to cherish those times. .

If I was to list all my favorite memories about my dad, this post would go on forever.  But I still want to share a few.

One of my favorite sounds is my dad's laugh.  I don't know why.  But I know that several of the movies and tv shows I love are ones I watched with him and heard him laughing through.  I think there is a connection there.  He likes to joke around.  The first time he met my husband was before we were married.  We'd flown down to visit my dad so they could meet.  Well, my husband has quite an ability to pack away food (and stay skinny).  It quite impressed my dad.  And my dad started (good-naturedly) calling my then-boyfriend "hoover" -- you know, like the vacuum.  Other times I can recall his laughter involve roosters that crow at midnight in Panama, a guy singing (very poorly, I might add) Dust in the Wind over and over and over again at about midnight in Panama, fake (or fig, if you can hear properly) trees, and getting sprayed by something while driving into Boquete. 

My dad has a good heart.  He recognizes pain and loneliness in others, and I sincerely believe he empathizes with them inwardly, even if he doesn't know exactly how to do it outwardly.  He also does kind things for people.  Most often his family.  For example, knowing that we were coming down to see him, he fixed up one of the spare rooms.  He bought a mattress for the bed that he had moved in there and then made the bed up with the pillow shams and everything.  And bought contoured pillows for our heads ;).  It is a seemingly small thing, but it was really nice and thoughtful.

My dad has been my protector.  And while he doesn't fill that role anymore, he used to.  And he did it well.  He would comfort me when I needed comfort.  He would talk soothingly to me when I was scared. He has worried about me -- even in my adulthood.  I remember when I was going to move to Tuscaloosa to work and attend school.  He rode up with me the week before I was to move to help me find a place I could afford to live.  It was a high-stress day.  And we both ended up crying when I found nothing (because I wasn't going to live in the place with the skull drawn on the neighbor's door...).  I know my dad aches with me.  And I know he rejoices with me too.

My dad taught me to drive.  I remember the first time he was going to have me drive a particular stretch of road alone.  He spent about 5 minutes before actually letting me do so telling me everything he'd already been telling me... Plus, he emphatically told me (multiple times), "Remember... If anything goes wrong, just turn off the key.  The car will stop."  I know it's because he was worried about me.  

My dad surprised us all the first Christmas I was living here in Washington.  He decided to fly out and not tell anyone he was coming.  Irony being what it is, it was the year of the great big snow (2008) and his plane got turned around to Salt Lake City before finally being able to land the next day...  And then, once he was here, he spent his time and money making sure all his kids had snow chains for their vehicles.  

My dad is a good grandpa.  And I'm glad my little girl (and hopefully-future children) will have him as one of their grandpas.  I have enjoyed watching him light up around his grand-kids.  He loves taking them for walks in their strollers when they are really little.  And it was so wonderful that my sweet girl was able to enjoy this time with her grandpa.

They say women often marry men who are like their fathers.  I can definitely see many similarities between my husband and my dad.  And that's a great thing :).

My dad isn't perfect.  But he's a wonderful dad.  And I'm glad he's my dad.  It is because of my dad that I can understand and comprehend the existence of my Heavenly Father.  It is why I can so easily believe and know my Heavenly Father loves me.  And one of the best blessings He ever gave me is my earthly father.  And I am grateful.

 What are you grateful for today?