Today is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. And the picture above is the only picture I have that serves as "proof" that I was pregnant for a short time in May and June of 2012. The baby stopped growing at 6 weeks, but we didn't find out until about 6 weeks later. And it was heart-breaking. But in those short 6 weeks, the baby we lost gave me many things; and I am grateful.
This baby gave me knowledge that my body could conceive a baby. Prior to this baby, due to a hormonal imbalance, I was not sure if I would ever be able to. And it was something over which I agonized for many years. But this baby showed me I could. This baby gave me hope.
This baby made me a mommy in many ways. Our precious baby girl that we are blessed to have now has made me a mommy in many other ways, of course. But this baby made me a mommy too. This baby changed my body. I knew I was pregnant, even before I took the pregnancy test to verify. This baby changed me.
And because of the loss of the baby, I became more compassionate. More empathetic to others who have suffered a loss.
This baby was, and is, a blessing. And though I don't have all the answers to everything, I do believe this baby is waiting for us -- and that I am actually a mother of two right now. We don't know if the baby was a boy or a girl, but I believe the baby is ours -- should we do all we need to to have him (or her) in the eternities. (Truthfully, I'm leaning toward the possibility the baby was a boy because of a dream my husband had recently). And as I watch our little girl grow and develop, I think more often of the baby we lost. Not in sadness, but in hope.
Today and always I am grateful for the baby we lost. Grateful that Heavenly Father would give us the gift of this baby. I couldn't agree more with this quote: "Each new life, no matter how brief, forever changes the world." (Thank you Stacy, for finding such a beautiful thought... I borrowed it from you.)
What are you grateful for today?
2 comments:
It's amazing how children can give us hope even if they aren't with us as long as we would like.
Michelle had one of those pregnancies, too. It was right after I found out I was pregnant with Carlise. While it was absolutely heartbreaking to lose another child, it finally gave them hope since it was the first time they conceived without medical help.
While the loss, sorrow and the hurt are heartbreaking, I think part of my coping mechanism includes me thinking, "Yes, I have 2 perfect kids waiting in heaven that didn't need the trials of this life. They are safe and forever protected."
I'm so glad you have such a positive outlook on this experience!
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